.confusion.

im your confusion. sorry...never meant to be part of your disease. thought im part of the cure. maybe i opened up your eyes, made you see things youve never seen before. but, is it something you want? is it something you can bear? to see the truth? to hear the soft whisper of your heart? i shouldve known that you couldnt handle it. you loved your so called life. and now, youre not anymore. sorry...

im your confusion. the one you need but not the one you want. you try so hard to put me aside. it makes me sad sometimes. if only you knew,,,youre my confusion too. never meant to hurt you. never meant to make it so complicated. gotta figure out a way to end this confusion.

.a brand new day.

this morning, as i walked into my office, everyone around me asked "hey sa,,,you seem so happy. whats up?" and i told them that nothings up. they just didnt believe it. they said i keep on smiling. im happy. theres nothing, really. i woke up this morning and decided to start a new life. its cliche. maybe for you but not for me. i really wanna start a brand new life. ive been hurt so many times before. ive fell so hard into the thing they called love. ive been twisted upside down. lifes been tough. but lately (couple of days ago to be exact), i was reminded by a long lost friend of how ive been blessed too. i have a great family. my dad has taught me so many great things (implicitly!!!). behind his anger and loud voice, i find an assurance that all hed ever want is for me to be happy. about my mom, i dont even have to ask. i know for sure she loves me. i hear it in her prayers. i see it in her face. last but not least, my sister. she can be so damn annoying at times. but hey, whose sisters not? hehehe...but i love her and for sure she loves me. aside from my family, i have the worlds greatest bestfriends. some people can only have one or two. lucky me, i get bunch of them. all in one package. theyre always there for me. sometimes, they accompany me with laughter. other times, they accompany me in their solitude. bottomline is: i am blessed!!! this morning, as i remembered my blessings one by one, i smiled. when i looked to the sky and found it all clear blue, i smiled. in life, things can be so cruel. so tough. thats why we get so lucky when we could start a day with a smile. embrace that day. we get so few of them.

.destiny.

do you believe in destiny?
that there are some people in life we meet 'not just because'?
that theres only one piece of the puzzle that would fit yours?
that no matter how hard you try to deny and kill the thing that you feel, its still there simply because its the truth?

well, believe it or not.
deny it or not.
try to run from it or not.
answer this:
"are you mine?"
"are you my destiny?"
"are we destined to cross each others path?"

.tanpa sesal.

aku lupa apa yang terjadi. tiba-tiba saja ketika aku sadar, aku berada di atas bukit yang tinggi. melihat kebawah, aku tersenyum. banyak bunga-bunga berwarna-warni yang bermekaran. rasanya ingin aku menjatuhkan diri ke atas hamparan bunga-bunga itu. hembusan angin sepoi-sepoipun seakan mendorong kakiku selangkah kedepan. saat aku tahu bahwa aku hanya selangkah dari tepi bukit, aku menggandeng tanganmu dan memintamu untuk terjun bebas bersamaku. tapi sayang, kau menarikku. yang kudengar hanyalah suara "jangan,,,aku tidak bisa terjun bebas bersamamu. kakiku menyukai pijakan ini. kakiku telah lama berpijak pada bukit ini. aku harus tetap disini". kakiku lemas. aku ingin kau terjatuh, terjun bebas bersamaku. kau justru menambahkan, "selama aku masih dapat menahannya, aku tidak aku terjatuh". aku melepaskan genggaman tanganmu. kau pikir aku kan berbalik dan mengurungkan niatku untuk jatuh. namun kau salah,,,aku justru melangkahkan kakiku tanpa ragu dan terjun bebas. bukan karena aku tidak menghiraukanmu. bukan karena aku benci pijakan kakiku. bukan karena apa apa. dan bukan karena siapa siapa. semua ini aku lakukan karena aku tidak ingin hidup dengan suatu penyesalan "kalau saja...". aku ingin terjun bebas ke lembah yang penuh kehidupan, penuh cinta. apalah gunanya pijakan walaupun telah lama kau pijak apabila yang kau inginkan adalah terjun bebas bersamaku. saat ini aku berada di dasar lembah. aku menengadah ke atas. aku melihatmu. aku juga mendengarmu dalam gema, meneriakkan "tunggu aku". hmpfh,,,sampai kapan perlu kutunggu? sampai kapan kau sadar bahwa kau harus memilih. mungkin hari ini aku masih disini. masih melihatmu. masih menunggumu. tapi hanya waktu yang dapat menjawab sampai kapan.