o one pushing me to. and sometimes, when im just too tired to listen to the lecturer, i just have to stand up and walk out of the class by myself. interestingly, im okay with that. i think im a grown up now =]. speaking of growing up, i also grow emotionally. i let go of my past bit by bit. i accepted the fact that this heart is able to love again. i boxed all my past memories up. some were good. some were not so good. i also put every pieces of my broken heart inside. as i put them in the box, one by one, i cried. i cried coz i know that this box cant be opened once i put the lid on. but i did it anyway. surprisingly, i found relief. closure. then i realized, maybe...just maybe...a part of growing up is knowing which lid to put on which box.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
.box.
looks like they notice. they realize that i write a lot when im in pain. they say now im happy, so i dont write much. theyre wrong. i write whenever i like. when i feel like to. its just that lately been so busy. a bit overwhelmed maybe. as i started to enter uni world (again) without my best friends, i felt a bit unease at first. was looking for a familiar face, a friendly smile. found none. people were so busy looking at their books. the walls. the windows. anything but another humans eyes. they tried not to care. seemed to me that everyones there trying to gain some knowledge. not friends. in fact, so did i. thats how i started my uni life. no friends, just book. weeks passed by and now i know almost the whole class by name. we exchange stories, case studies, even some gummy bears. im no longer living under yesterdays rug. no more the good old days. i boxed it all up. well, every now and then i open the lid and find out that i still miss going to classes with my friends. still miss the thrill of walking out in the middle of a lecture together. miss the laughter of not knowing what to do. miss the study time. and when i put the lid back on, i know i still have my friends. i just have to live with the fact that theyre not here at the moment. for the time being, i have to familiarize myself with new faces instead of looking for a familiar face. i have to push myself to come to classes even when theres n
o one pushing me to. and sometimes, when im just too tired to listen to the lecturer, i just have to stand up and walk out of the class by myself. interestingly, im okay with that. i think im a grown up now =]. speaking of growing up, i also grow emotionally. i let go of my past bit by bit. i accepted the fact that this heart is able to love again. i boxed all my past memories up. some were good. some were not so good. i also put every pieces of my broken heart inside. as i put them in the box, one by one, i cried. i cried coz i know that this box cant be opened once i put the lid on. but i did it anyway. surprisingly, i found relief. closure. then i realized, maybe...just maybe...a part of growing up is knowing which lid to put on which box.
o one pushing me to. and sometimes, when im just too tired to listen to the lecturer, i just have to stand up and walk out of the class by myself. interestingly, im okay with that. i think im a grown up now =]. speaking of growing up, i also grow emotionally. i let go of my past bit by bit. i accepted the fact that this heart is able to love again. i boxed all my past memories up. some were good. some were not so good. i also put every pieces of my broken heart inside. as i put them in the box, one by one, i cried. i cried coz i know that this box cant be opened once i put the lid on. but i did it anyway. surprisingly, i found relief. closure. then i realized, maybe...just maybe...a part of growing up is knowing which lid to put on which box.
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"i have to push myself to come to classes even when theres no one pushing me to" ==> maksudnya, when there's no acit to push you to? hahaha,, i miss our old days getting you back on track... scara si ibu adsa ini slalu aja doyan cabut, smntara temennya yang ini sungguhlah tidak dapat mentolerir cabut2an.. well take care huns, and at least you can still see my smiling face everytime you hit the vending machine for some breakas ;)
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